What is Mind?

We probably heard that mind is a FUNCTION of the BRAIN. And consciousness is a function of the mind. Why do I disagree? Let us talk:…

I do not believe that we are to treat mind chemically!  – that is just a starting point for all of us. Yesterday I wrote a brief article on autism and inclusive consciousness in one of Russian autistic FB groups. The result – I was banned from that group. Now I want to try to expand on this same topic deeper and share it in a group where, hopefully, this approach will find better appreciation… lol But back to the point..

Some say happiness is a good chemistry of the brain and unhappiness is a bad chemistry of the brain. And nobody is responsible. Let us just go and change chemistry. Yea, right! Good one!

Let me tell you how we can use brain, mind, and thoughts without getting stuck in them, ok? I believe in the model of healing that is based on consciousness and not brain chemistry.

Let me start with the shocking therapy, my friends. In the yogic science there is no such thing as brain, ok? Brain is just body. There is a heart, there is a liver, and there is brain – it is body! That is it. Period.

Why there is tendency to exaggerate the importance of brain? Because modern educational approach is purely intellectual. Human mind is a totally different thing. It consists of 16 parts, but they can be split int 4 categories. The first one in intellect. Intellect has to be sharp. So it is like a knife. You use a knife to cut. There is nothing wrong with cutting things, but if you want to sow things together, knife is not a very good tool. Also not everything can be cut in pieces. If you cut life in order to learn more about it, like our modern science does a lot, then you are actually killing this life. And although it is a totally different topic, it is also a very good analogy. You cannot learn every aspect of life with intellect alone. If you give a flower to a scientist, he will rip it open and see… If he does it, of course he will see many elements in the flower, the only thing is that you won’t have the flower after that!

If you really want to know your child, please don’t cut your child open, it is not how it works… lol

You can only learn the material aspect by cutting it either with real knife or with intellect. Intellect is important. But it is a survival instrument only.

Let us move on to step number two. Intellect, no matter  how sharp, cannot survive without a certain amount of memory. In my school, where I teach, my 9th grade was performing yesterday. It was a play about a young boy who lost his memory. The last words of the play were: “I don’t know who I am…”

Whatever your IQ – if we take away your memory…… you maybe still intelligent. That is what i hate in IQ tests. People put well educated children and poorly educated children through the same tests, and they say that they have measured their IQ. No you have not! What you have measured has nothing to do with intellect. You have measured the volume of information. That’s it! Some less educated children, if you put them in real life situation, they will end up really smart, because their intelligence is fully on!

Intellect looks smart only when you back it up with a lot of information. With data you look smart.

The  next dimension of mind is identity. Intellect is an instrument to protect identity. Identity allows intellect to function is this or that way.  Some of our identities are good, others are idiotic. Identity is like a hand. So you have a knife and a hand. If your knife is sharp you want your hand to be steady, right?

In today’s world there is no cultivation of a universal identity, cosmic identity. Today we mostly have limited identity. And it is destructive for our society.

All evil that  people do here on earth is just a question of limited identity. This is my way, this is your way…

Now let us talk about memories: there are many types of memories. Elemental memory, atomic memory, evolutionally memory, conscious memory, unconscious memory, subconscious memory…. there are many…..

This same body carries the memory of EVERYTHING that happened on this planet.

There is a great deal of evolutionary memory in us. And the evolution process still goes on! Some of my readers from the group that banned me strongly disagreed with my perspective. Yet rather than respect someone’s opinion some people… well… just exclude your from their conversation. Way to go! lol

So, the yogic idea of healing is based on tapping into different aspects of memories. Without it you will continue acting in an immature way…

The fourth dimension of mind is intelligence before boundaries. It is very important. When I started writing about it (in much simpler way than now) people asked me if I was on drugs. Now that just shows their level of intellect.

In modern society people don’t have time to think about life. Because they have to have two or three jobs. Why do you need to have three jobs when there is so much land around? Is it not enough land to grow food? No, it is because you want to buy your food in WalMart…. I got it…

If you are interested in finding out more about how human mind works or want to share… let’s talk…. I won’t ban you if we disagree… lol


Why Meditate?

First of all – its magic! Yes, I guarantee you this: try it for yourself and see if there is any sense in what I am saying…. Couple of days ago I was asked to talk about meditation to a group of high school students where I teach, because they all were (and some more than others) stressed before State Tests… Some of the students in my school, as much as in any other schools are on the spectrum. There are many students that have different diagnoses and needs As we all know that there are also people around as well as students that are not diagnosed at all and yet they are pretty much on the spectrum as well…. And this is a topic of itself, and I am really planning on writing about it pretty soon. It is one of my favorites right now, and I keep promising myself a more serious research on that one… But, let us get back to the  point. I was asked to speak about meditation. Then several days later, I met some adults who got very interested, and asked me to share the fundamentals with me…. I do not know why I always took for granted that everybody who speaks English on my FB pretty much knows it all about meditation. It is probably because most of my FB friends do it for years if not for living… LOL. And yet it is becoming more and more eye opening, that the Universe is seriously pushing me towards sharing the knowledge I got. And not 10-20 years later, when I retire and open my yoga studio…. (which has always been my plan, lol). NO, right here and right now. There is a need. So, O.K. I prepared several PowerPoints and start teaching some yoga flows.

When I was thinking about how to target this meditation topic and to make it as accessible as  possible, I started with a simple question: how did you look when you were born? What was your size? What is your size and how much do you weigh now? How did it happen? I got a lot of different answers. A lot. From food to DNA. Well, answers were not what I was looking for. The question was enough to make one think. I liked the answer food….. So, I continue asking more questions. If I told you that I knew a person here in our school who knows how to make a man out of a banana? What would you say about such man? One of the answers was more similar to what I was looking for: that this man is some kind of god or something…. Well, although this answer is a bit controversial, it targets the main idea. If a person knows how to make a man out of a banana, he has creative powers all right.

What if I told you that you all have these powers? Don’t you do that every day? You eat food and that food becomes you? But if I asked how you did it, most if not all of you would go like: IDK…

Right we all do it unconsciously most of the time. Now, would you be interested in getting SOME of that creative power and use it consciously?

This is what meditation is all about. With meditation you CREATE AND RE-CREATE…., bro! Can you hear me? CAN YOU HEAR ME?????? No kidding… And many people on the spectrum and off the spectrum need to hear that loud and clear. LOUD AND CLEAR.

I know that I wrote a lot in my WordPress about connections between neurological and physiological changes in the brain and meditation. And I can re-direct you to those earlier articles. Those loving to research more on your own, I recommend further research on this topic. This article is educational, informational, but it is also an editorial, so to say. And it is meant to be persuasive. I advocate and encourage! If you read my earlier articles, you probably noticed a big change. BIG CHANGE. I used to share my experience with others. But I could not imagine how great is the need! I knew that suffering is out there. And I knew that I know the medicine. But somehow deep inside I was not sure that people want it. Now that I see people around not only want it but are desperate for this cure, I hesitate no longer. I don’t care if there are a bunch of other sources out there one can learn from. What I did not and could not understand until now is that not so many naturally research, synthesize, and practice new knowledge by themselves. I could not imagine that some people might lack self-motivation to do all that on their own. And if I were just to do this job for them of “chewing” all the great info that is out there anyway, and share it with them – I am ready to do so.

Since my early childhood, as much as I remember myself I was a learner. A 100% self-motivated constant researcher and learner. I remember that I was fascinated in encyclopedias. I was just reading them for fun at the of 13, as well as many books on psychology, pathology, philosophy, and some earlier works of Christian Church Fathers (not modern) Orthodox and Catholic theology…. Seneca, Aristotle, Freud, Stoics, as well as Thomas Aquinas, St. Augustine… – these were my interests. I put myself new and new targets: I want to learn that, I want to accomplish that, I am interested in that…. And the best thing for me was to do it on my own. Me and my books and thoughts in the park. Many of my friends and people I knew were similar to me, so I assumed that everybody in the world is like that. Well, I met a lot of smart people with MA degrees and PhD that are not able to do that on their own, unless they have someone by their side to motivate them….

We are all different, I suppose. What we all have in common is that we all are human. We all know what suffering means. We also all are capable of tremendous transformation and growth. And we all can help each other. So, I am ready to share the basics with each and every one who cares to learn more about meditation, and I will continue systematizing the information. Feel free to look through my earlier articles, but as always – my future ones would always be the better version.

P.S.  I was also asked to talk a bit about Buddhism and Dharma and ideas of a kind. And I will do that too. As well as about both theological notions of ecumenism and different perspective of a kind. One thing a rarely tell people, maybe because it is unpopular with most, or maybe because you stereotype when you hear this kind of things, but I have an absolute passion towards theology. I did study both protestant and catholic theology, but have never been satisfied because I never met a really ecumenical teacher. There is much more teachers of a kind now. But this is all a different story, my friends…. More about this later.

With Love, Yours – EveLisha (my mom used to call me that when I was a kid, still does… lol)

Can you stop helping everyone and just find ANOTHER HOBBY?

From early childhood I heard people talking about me and telling me that I am overly sensitive, and that I should better control my imagination. I thought it was a natural thing to feel what other people feel on every possible level: physical, energetic, emotional, and mental. I never imagined that other people do not feel all these things: physical pain, when someone is hurt, depression, when your friend or your family member is drained or lacks energy for life, emotional pain, when someone is cheated upon or treated wrongly in personal relationship, unpleasant feeling when a person around you carries negative energies… or is spiritually immature….

My genius daughter, the person who I truly believe is a very experienced soul simply tells me to surround myself with people who would be uplifting me rather than constantly draining. And actually I am! I am surrounded by a wonderful support-group of my own family members: the most loving husband, talented and caring grown up children, loving congregation members, great faithful friends (very faithful and loyal and hero-like, actually). So, yes, I am very much surrounded by great people out there.

And yet, of course, I still feel a great need deep inside to always be there for every suffering soul. Is there anything wrong with it? Please correct me if I am wrong, but I just naturally and subconsciously feel that is the right thing to do. No, I don’t exaggerate, and if some people just choose to be on the wrong path, and that is where they want to remain by their own choice, I would let them stay there. If I see that someone is willingly getting deeper and deeper into some swamp – I’m not jumping after him.  No stupid and unnecessary sacrifices.

When you feel compassion, when you suddenly feel some strong emotion – start with acknowledging it first of all, but then – try to figure out it is even your own emotion. Of course it is “yours” don’t get me wrong… but is it “really yours?” Or are you just feeling compassion, empathy? Most our “feelings” are just energies, that’s all. Really. If you depersonalize energies, you are more than half way there – you actually won the game. You do not only know what this or that person feels and experiences, but you do not take it personally anymore. In that case you can start transforming negative energy. Please remember, every energy that is not transformed – is transmitted further. Try to avoid doing that.

Let’s summarize: everything you feel is energy. Don’t take it personally. Depersonify this energy by understanding that not a single person necessarily is “responsible” so to say…. (generally speaking… of course we are in a bigger sense responsible for our own actions, but that is another topic); Then when you  became aware of the negative energy, realized that it is not yours (in this case I mean that you were not its FIRST CAUSE; of course I understand that after all we are responsible for our own reactions to situations and energies around); When all these steps are taken – don’t rush to transform this negative energy into positive using some “willpower” or something. Your awareness itself will transform it sooner or later. The more often you practice awareness or mindfulness, the easier the process will become eventually.  And the last step is to keep balance in your life between helping others and recharging yourself. You will only have that much daily energy (no matter how much – there will always be some limit unless you learn to  consciously recharge your social battery. And if you get too drained or too overloaded with some negative energy – you won’t be there for your beloved ones. And they are your number one responsibility after your God, of course, and your own mental, spiritual, and physical health. Please feel free to add my on FB is you are not my friend yet, for support purposes: Evelina Iablonskaya (the first letter in the last name is an “i”). Please comment: your opinion is very important to me.

Neuroscience and Meditation – What Can Possibly Be in Common ?

What can possibly connect meditation to neuroscience? Ancient meditators used to dedicate their whole life to spirituality and studying their own nature, especially the nature of one’s mind. Inside what they called the mind tons of thoughts and emotions constantly traveled back and forth, like little people in little cars on little roads (well, that is my modern comparison, there were no cars at that time for them to compare their thoughts to, you are right!) Meditators cared very little for those pesky little “creatures” – thoughts. Those thoughts were also very “hungry guys” and craved for more. Yet ancients soon realized that if they would stop feeding those pesky “little creatures,” the mind will become peaceful and finally get still. So they soon learn that the mind is not something that should rule “you,” but that “you” should rule the mind. With the mind still and quiet, the ancients believed another form of vision opened itself, And that new form was a much more clear vision that that of the “mind full of thoughts.” Now we all or at least very many of us know what meditation is. This process of quieting one’s mind on demand (as one of the technique) is called meditation ( I understand over-simplification here, but it is done on purpose). Modern neoroscientists call it brain exercises. The word meditation is not very popular in the field. And yet the techniques is the same. Now many, if not all of us know that our brain changes and often visible changes are possible due to these or other brain exercises. The term that is popular is the field is brainplastisity. Certain meditation techniques are offered in the field of neuroscience as well as meditation to re-wire and reshape the brain. For people who don’t meditate at all and no nothing about what I am even talking about the brain works in so to call “default-thought mode.” Also the parts of brain that are responsible for fear and anxiety show less neurological activity in the people who meditate on a regular basis. Although neuroscience was the first modern field that got so involved in the studies of meditation techniques, psychology got interested in meditation as well. Psychology uses another term “cognitive talk therapy” to describe the notion that your thoughts are not “you.” Meditators fast learn to notice how repetative our thoughts are. Our thoughts are mere interpretation of what we see around. They do not represent reality clearly. Whether those thoughts are positive or negative very clearly depend on way to many circumstances. So the way we interpret the world today may depend on our physical state, our hormonal level, whether we are stressed, hot, warm, cold, hungry, full of energy, or not so much…. We can interpret somebody’s behavior very wrongly just because of all those and many other things. Bad and negative thoughts are just stupid stories in your head. Stop feeding them and allow them to get quiet and not so agitated. There are many different meditation techniques. And they are not all the same. Start with something simple. And it does not need to be watching your breath because it can soon get boring and discouraging for some more active people. So do jogging meditation, swimming meditation, hiking meditation, yoga meditation, tai chi meditation, and what not, as long it clears your mind. Feel free to look for some of meditation techniques I write about on my Mindful Breathing Site, and feel free to read my personal story. Also, if you are not my friend on Facebook yet and you have an account and love to learn or share on the topic of meditation or any similar topic – feel free to add me:  Evelina Iablonskaya (the first letter is an “i”)/ and instagram evaisco/  Hope to hear from you soon, my dear friends. I love you all. We are all in this together. Evelyn J.

Autism Talks

I truly believe that every good article written in any other language but English simply NEEDS TO be translated into English. But that is just my thing…. So, here we are – these are not my words any more, and you’d see the name of the author of these words signed beneath. Please, enjoy!

I can:

  • Be a good talking companion on nearly any given topic
  • Be an attentive listener (My talking companion will feel he is the only one in the Universe important for me at the moment; simply saying I have mastered the skill of mindful listening techniques)
  • To find common language with the kids
  • To find common language with animals
  • Train rats; To teach them simple things: understand words, listen. I’m not sure how I do this, I guess this is just intuition.
  • To think quickly in stressful situations and act accordingly rationally: run fast, save someone, fight, depending on the circumstances. (please don’t mix stress that people acquire due to extreme situations with chronic stress. Extreme stress releases a huge dose of adrenaline into your blood. This adrenaline stimulates me very well, and I act rationally and become capable of enduring a lot, so I act accordingly fast and correctly. Chronic stress, on the other hand releases cortisol, and this hormone affects me differently. I can’t stand it.
  • To fight back physically in the street. (I hope I still can do that, have not really practiced it for a while.)
  • To explain subjects, teach, tutor. I did it as an amateur: I taught elementary math to an adult who was not good at it. As well as science: general biology, anatomy… I was contemplating on becoming a tutor.
  • To write official complains on different bad people (and there are still a lot of those ones out there). As well as fight for my own civil rights by filing a lot of government paperwork.
  • To professionally steep tea for Chinese Tea Ceremony.
  • To prepare certain incenses all by myslef.
  • Meditate
  • Control my inner organs with various techniques. (I stopped practicing this, but I’m planning on returning back to it again).
  • To tolerate pain as well as strong pain using other techniques and will power, so that pain lessened and did not prevent me from enjoying my daily life.
  • To memorize long digital equations, patterns, any types of combinations, passwords, codes, phone numbers and so on.
  • Write my own ideas using pentagrams, I can write a long paragraph using this style.
  • To read tarot card ( But I have stopped doing this  now)
  • To retain by breath under water for at least two minutes.
  • To use nunchaku;
  • To take up to 15 pills at once;
  • To swim using crawl stroke for a long period of time,
  • To rollerblade
  • To write poems
  • To write prose
  • To memorize lengthy texts by heart (poetry as well as prose)
  • To change my opinion about people one or the other way.
  • But I think the most important thing for me is self-control. This helps me always and everywhere.

These are the things that first came to my mind. I decided not to talk about my professional qualities.

Veta  Volkova

Autism Talks – I don’t live in another world. I just see the world differently, that’s it

Have not done that in a while, but HAVE to do it now! I am translating this from Russian and reposting. This is my younger sister’s post about herself. Many of you know her and some of you are her friends on Facebook and in real life. Yet for all those who are not – especially for those who speak no Russian at all – I highly recommend to read this. I do not know if it is clear from her writing or not – she is autistic.
Hello to all. I see this world in a different way. I a not better than you are. I am not worse than you are. We are just different. And that’s o.k. Let’s try to make friends. Maybe it can work out? Let me tell you about myself. I like to ask two questions: where? and what is it doing? To all other questions I know answers myself. I never ask question what? I know the answer. I never ask why? My answer to this is – I guess it is meant to be that way. But these two questions: where? and what is it doing? – these are my constant questions. I live with them. Most of the times I know answers to these questions, too. But unless and until I do – my mind won’t rest. Until a see the whole picture clearly. Everything I know – I see. Everything I see – I know. I don’t like to be taught. I simply observe. I observe life around me very carefully and that is the way I learn. You think I am not attentive. You are wrong. You words can interest me. Or not. Sometimes I hear them as a bubbling brook or as a piece of music. My senses for me are much more important than words. They are highly developed in me and I trust them. If I am not listening to you it does not mean I am not attentive. I am very attentive to everything that is going on around me. You would be the first one to leave something in my room or forget, because you are so much in your thoughts. I would never do that. I am extremely attentive. I see and notice every detail. You are telling me that I do not look straight in the eyes. I use sight vision, you know? It’s much more developed in me, that’s it. I think I see from above and see the whole picture all at once. But this picture is full of little details. And if I do not see a specific detail, I will be looking for it, asking questions about it, trying to figure it out. I won’t be able to rest until I know. One more thing – I am good at memorizing numbers. The dates are very important to me. I don’t think I know a single man whose birthday I would forget. It would be a horror! I guess that is it for now. Let me know how YOUR brain works!

Can Your Breath Clear Your Mind? Может ли ваше дыхание очистить ваш разум?

Breathing meditations or breathing techniques are one of the building blocks of yogic philosophy. Дыхательные медитации или дыхательные упражнения – это один из главных элементов в философии йоги. Yogis strongly believe that correct breathing techniques influence on our brain-waives. Йоги искренне верят в то, что правильное дыхание влияет на наши мозговые волны. Let us expand just a tiny bit on what exactly are those brain waives and why are they so important in our daily lives. Давайте немного углубимся в то, что такое мозговые волны и постараемся ответить на вопрос, какую роль они играют в нашей ежедневной жизни. You probably heard about Alfa, Delta, and Teta waves, haven’t you already? Вы наверное уже слышали о Альфа, Дельта, и Тета волнах, да или нет? Teta-waves occur when you sleep, relaxation and meditation. Тета волны возникают во время сна а так же релаксации и медитации. Delta-waves occur during deep sleep or hypnosis. Дельта-волны возникают во время глубокого сна или гипноза. Now let us talk about Alfa-waves! These are the most popular waves among the common public. Теперь давайте остановимся на альфа-волнах. Эти волны оказалиь наиболее популярными у основной публики. Это волны положительных эмоций, чувства комфотра, и успокаивающей гармонии. These are the waves of positive emotions, comfort, and harmony. There are many outside techniques how you can stimulate your own brain waves. (Music therapy will tell a lot on the topic). Существует множество внешних методик, котрые помогают стимулироват мозговые волны. Музыкальная терапия – это одна из таких методик. But yogis propose a lot of breathing practices that one can learn in order to accomplish the same goal. Но йоги предлагают множесво дыхательных упражнений. If you are working with younger kids, it is good to stay simple and just explain the results of breathing exercises, something like – they will allow you to say calm in difficult circumstances. Если вы занимаетесь с маленькими детьми, то не надо им объяснять всю технологию, стоящую за этими упражнениями. Достаточно только сказать, что они помогут тебе спокойно себя вести в трудных ситуациях. For people on the spectrum breathing techniques help them to get connected to their bodies. Для людей аутического спектра, дыхательные упражнения помогают им лучше понять свое тело. One of the best working techniques for beginners (and these are the best for ASD) is the ujayi breath. Одна из лучших методит для новичков и аутистов это дыхание уджаи. This technique allows you to keep breath slow and steady. Этот метод помогает вашему дыханию оставаться медленным и ровным. You have to make a soft restriction on the back of your throat and you breath in and out through the nose with your lips close. Вы должны создать мягкое препятствие в горле и дышать через нос с закрытыми губами. You have to be able to hear you breath loudly but softly. Вы должны слышать свое дыхание громкое но мягкое. If you have watched Star Wars, then the sound of your breath should be similar to Darth Vader breath. Если вы знакомы со Звездными Войнами, то ваше дыхание должно быть похоже на дыхание Дарт Вейдера. This is another reason why it may be so interesting to young kids. Это еще одна причина, почему это дыхание может быть интересно для детей. Give it a try, research more about this technique, and share your results. Попробуйте, почитайте на интернете побольше об этом дыхании, и дайте мне знать, какие результаты.

Stop that Self-Talk!

Did you notice that your mind is always busy? Does it sometimes drive you nuts? How often? Ever? Have you ever heard anyone tell you to just stop thinking too much. O.K. What was your answer? Don’t tell me, I know….

And yet, would you care to try? Or let us maybe start with “why on earth do I need to do it?” You start with acknowledging and admitting – yes, I do have a lot of self-talk in my head. But not just in general. (I often or I usually have a lot of self-talk). No, you have to “catch” it, so to say. Then you are like…. O.K. Who IS talking? And who is WATCHING the self-talk? Let me tell you. You are not your thoughts. But the observer, yes, the observer is you. The moment you got it, the moment you separated yourself from your thoughts – you GOT IT. And I mean YOU REALLY GOT IT, bro! Then there is no need to stop the thoughts, just keep watching them, that’s it. And in watching itself is a relief, and the watching will pacify them, and make your mind so clear that you’d be able to see beyond the thoughts, if you now what I mean. Give it a try. Enjoy!

In Search of True Love

Everything we are doing on this planet is in search of Love. But how many of us found this True Love? Many might claim they have… and they might claim they are happy… are they, really? Can they say that Love has made them more calm, more peaceful, more loving…less neurotic? And if no, than what is the problem? Let us just distinguish between the search of Love and the expression of Love. These are two major differences if you allow. For any relationship you first and foremost need to have something to share. And what is the most important thing you can share? Yes, yourself, your presence. Unless you learn to be present – every relationship will be dysfunctional. Unless you learn the skill of presence, your relationship will give you as much pleasure as it will give you pain. Many people struggle to balance between the two polarities – negative and positive. All  these polarities rise from the human mind. That is why couples that claim that they deeply love each other often fight. Unless you build your relationship on a totally different ground, your relationship will sooner or later collapse. I don’t claim to be an expert whatsoever, but my own children, who have relationships of their own often tell me that they wish their relationships lasted as long and were as strong as my marriage with my husband did. So what is the magic? Let us concentrate on romantic relationships for that purpose. Every polarity always lead to dysfunction. True Love, on the other hand has no polarity, it has no opposition, because it is not rooted in our minds. True Love is a very rare thing. In its perfect sense we can say that God is True and Pure Love. Yet humans are not incapable of Love. Every problem that you have in your relationship you will always blame on your partner and very seldom on yourself. It is easier to notice negativity in the Other rather than in “me.” What problems couple come across? Well, let’s just mention a few. Jealousy, for example is one of them. But there is also insensitivity and the need to be bossy and to be right all the time, the need to teach, impulsiveness, manipulations, and many more… Now, on the other hand there are many positive polarities as well. You can be deeply in love and you feel very happy. You only see each other and don’t see the world around. True Love is different from both of these examples. As a human being your Self consists of several layers. On a physical level, you can temporarily obtain unity of the two polarities, but it won’t last forever. On the mental of psychological level it is even harder and more rare. You can never obtain ultimate happiness on a mental level only. Your thoughts are not who you are. On this level you will always feel insecure no mater how great your thoughts are. You feelings and emotions as well as your thoughts come from the Ego Center of your brain, they are self-oriented and clinging. Clinging is just a form of addiction. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. No matter what you are addicted to, even your partner. It is not yet the True Love. Every addiction reaches the point when it does not work for you anymore. And then you feel the pain. The addiction does NOT  bring you the pain. It just uncovers that pain that is already there. Yet avoidance of relationships is not the answer either. The relationship does not bring you your pain. The pain is there already  anyway. So, what are we going to do? You have to bring an intense presence into your relationship as well as in any other parts of your life. You will never learn to be present for your partner if you cannot even be present for yourself. Search for the silence from your inner chatter and for the stillness in your busy world. Only when you get rid of your own pain you are ready to Love. Don’t try to fix the whole world. Don’t try to fix your partner. Fix yourself! If you feel any pain – who should be healed? If you understand this much – this is transforming in itself, this will open you the door to True Love.