ADHD – You Are Brilliant, My Dear!

As a teacher with over 20 years of experience I have met a lot of students with ADHD, and a lot of parents of students, and a lot of teachers, and college professors…. Surprised?

My younger sister was diagnosed with ADHD at a very early age and nobody new till she was already a grown up adult that she also is on the spectrum… So, let’s talk ADHD in adults, how about that?

ADHD…. it never disappears. But – you surely can practice and master certain techniques to manage the symptoms. Let us face it: it is much harder for people with ADHD to just sit still and meditate for hours, and even though you can learn to successfully do this, too, it is still much better to use your energy in a productive way rather than constantly trying to suppress it. What I am trying to say is that at times all these diagnoses sound like negative labels, and you are not ready or unprepared to see and notice talents, brilliance, and abilities of those people.

I want to concentrate on the positivity and affirmation. Let me clarify one thing: brains of  people with ADHD are not broken. It is natural that we all have different brains. Also remember that brain is not a computer or a mechanism, but rather an organism: it is a leaving, moving, and changing organism (as the theory of neuroplasticity states). I assume my readers know enough of neurons (how they move and so on) – thus I won’t be talking about this in here. One thing  would yet like to mention is how brain is capable of responding to surroundings.

Let us say a few words about dyslexia. Where this idea, this term even come from? Oh, well, let me tell you: it is based on the assumptions that EVERYONE SHOULD READ. Really? No, just answer this please? Is it really so? Think about days back then, when only the elite could read. Did it make all other people less valuable, less smart, less capable of success? Not at all. So what on earth has changed? The person who might be called disabled today might as well have been called gifted if he or she were born at some earlier times.

Often we are talking about success in life in terms of our brains fitting the surroundings. How about we twist it the other way: let us try to fit the surroundings to our brains, if it makes sense. Let me explain: why don’t we try to help people find jobs according to their strengths? Why make someone with ADHD sit in the office, when he or she could be more than happy move around all day long – and not everyone is capable of doing it, trust me! In this case the symptoms would not be even regarded as a problem at all. I remember of having one particular student (would never use a name, of course) in one of my high school classes with ADHD: the sweetest kid! He’d be my first help in organizing all extracurricular activities in our school; the best person to cheer you up at every school party, the most fun young man. Yet he could never sit for too long during classroom instructions, and I was fine with him walking around as long as he was (and he always was) engaged in the classroom discussions.

Let me just wrap it up: the energy that you have, despite of the negativity of the term in the diagnosis should never limit your self-esteem and undermine your talents and brilliancy, my dear. What others see as a problem,  i see as the most positive set of traits in the proper surrounding. Let us remember about that. Feel free to add me as your friend on FB, if you at all use it: Evelina Iablonskaya. All comments and discussions are always a plus (big plus! big plus!)

 

Can you stop helping everyone and just find ANOTHER HOBBY?

From early childhood I heard people talking about me and telling me that I am overly sensitive, and that I should better control my imagination. I thought it was a natural thing to feel what other people feel on every possible level: physical, energetic, emotional, and mental. I never imagined that other people do not feel all these things: physical pain, when someone is hurt, depression, when your friend or your family member is drained or lacks energy for life, emotional pain, when someone is cheated upon or treated wrongly in personal relationship, unpleasant feeling when a person around you carries negative energies… or is spiritually immature….

My genius daughter, the person who I truly believe is a very experienced soul simply tells me to surround myself with people who would be uplifting me rather than constantly draining. And actually I am! I am surrounded by a wonderful support-group of my own family members: the most loving husband, talented and caring grown up children, loving congregation members, great faithful friends (very faithful and loyal and hero-like, actually). So, yes, I am very much surrounded by great people out there.

And yet, of course, I still feel a great need deep inside to always be there for every suffering soul. Is there anything wrong with it? Please correct me if I am wrong, but I just naturally and subconsciously feel that is the right thing to do. No, I don’t exaggerate, and if some people just choose to be on the wrong path, and that is where they want to remain by their own choice, I would let them stay there. If I see that someone is willingly getting deeper and deeper into some swamp – I’m not jumping after him.  No stupid and unnecessary sacrifices.

When you feel compassion, when you suddenly feel some strong emotion – start with acknowledging it first of all, but then – try to figure out it is even your own emotion. Of course it is “yours” don’t get me wrong… but is it “really yours?” Or are you just feeling compassion, empathy? Most our “feelings” are just energies, that’s all. Really. If you depersonalize energies, you are more than half way there – you actually won the game. You do not only know what this or that person feels and experiences, but you do not take it personally anymore. In that case you can start transforming negative energy. Please remember, every energy that is not transformed – is transmitted further. Try to avoid doing that.

Let’s summarize: everything you feel is energy. Don’t take it personally. Depersonify this energy by understanding that not a single person necessarily is “responsible” so to say…. (generally speaking… of course we are in a bigger sense responsible for our own actions, but that is another topic); Then when you  became aware of the negative energy, realized that it is not yours (in this case I mean that you were not its FIRST CAUSE; of course I understand that after all we are responsible for our own reactions to situations and energies around); When all these steps are taken – don’t rush to transform this negative energy into positive using some “willpower” or something. Your awareness itself will transform it sooner or later. The more often you practice awareness or mindfulness, the easier the process will become eventually.  And the last step is to keep balance in your life between helping others and recharging yourself. You will only have that much daily energy (no matter how much – there will always be some limit unless you learn to  consciously recharge your social battery. And if you get too drained or too overloaded with some negative energy – you won’t be there for your beloved ones. And they are your number one responsibility after your God, of course, and your own mental, spiritual, and physical health. Please feel free to add my on FB is you are not my friend yet, for support purposes: Evelina Iablonskaya (the first letter in the last name is an “i”). Please comment: your opinion is very important to me.

Neuroscience and Meditation – What Can Possibly Be in Common ?

What can possibly connect meditation to neuroscience? Ancient meditators used to dedicate their whole life to spirituality and studying their own nature, especially the nature of one’s mind. Inside what they called the mind tons of thoughts and emotions constantly traveled back and forth, like little people in little cars on little roads (well, that is my modern comparison, there were no cars at that time for them to compare their thoughts to, you are right!) Meditators cared very little for those pesky little “creatures” – thoughts. Those thoughts were also very “hungry guys” and craved for more. Yet ancients soon realized that if they would stop feeding those pesky “little creatures,” the mind will become peaceful and finally get still. So they soon learn that the mind is not something that should rule “you,” but that “you” should rule the mind. With the mind still and quiet, the ancients believed another form of vision opened itself, And that new form was a much more clear vision that that of the “mind full of thoughts.” Now we all or at least very many of us know what meditation is. This process of quieting one’s mind on demand (as one of the technique) is called meditation ( I understand over-simplification here, but it is done on purpose). Modern neoroscientists call it brain exercises. The word meditation is not very popular in the field. And yet the techniques is the same. Now many, if not all of us know that our brain changes and often visible changes are possible due to these or other brain exercises. The term that is popular is the field is brainplastisity. Certain meditation techniques are offered in the field of neuroscience as well as meditation to re-wire and reshape the brain. For people who don’t meditate at all and no nothing about what I am even talking about the brain works in so to call “default-thought mode.” Also the parts of brain that are responsible for fear and anxiety show less neurological activity in the people who meditate on a regular basis. Although neuroscience was the first modern field that got so involved in the studies of meditation techniques, psychology got interested in meditation as well. Psychology uses another term “cognitive talk therapy” to describe the notion that your thoughts are not “you.” Meditators fast learn to notice how repetative our thoughts are. Our thoughts are mere interpretation of what we see around. They do not represent reality clearly. Whether those thoughts are positive or negative very clearly depend on way to many circumstances. So the way we interpret the world today may depend on our physical state, our hormonal level, whether we are stressed, hot, warm, cold, hungry, full of energy, or not so much…. We can interpret somebody’s behavior very wrongly just because of all those and many other things. Bad and negative thoughts are just stupid stories in your head. Stop feeding them and allow them to get quiet and not so agitated. There are many different meditation techniques. And they are not all the same. Start with something simple. And it does not need to be watching your breath because it can soon get boring and discouraging for some more active people. So do jogging meditation, swimming meditation, hiking meditation, yoga meditation, tai chi meditation, and what not, as long it clears your mind. Feel free to look for some of meditation techniques I write about on my Mindful Breathing Site, and feel free to read my personal story. Also, if you are not my friend on Facebook yet and you have an account and love to learn or share on the topic of meditation or any similar topic – feel free to add me:  Evelina Iablonskaya (the first letter is an “i”)/ and instagram evaisco/  Hope to hear from you soon, my dear friends. I love you all. We are all in this together. Evelyn J.

Autistic Empath

 

I was contemplating on the two notions: empathy and telepathy. There is a great connection between the two. The one person I have in mind is autistic. Many are used to seeing autistics as the opposite of empaths. Wrong! I believe new research should be made or something, but it is plain wrong! Just sharing my personal experience, that is. Wish I could say more, for now I’m just contemplating, as I said. If someone has something to add on this – please do. It’s not like: “I don’t know your mind exists” But rather: “Your mind for me is an open book…” See the difference? A big one, a very big one!  Feel free to add me on my personal Facebook page for further discussion: Evelina Iablonskaya. Talk soon. Also, check my instagram: evaisco. I am more often on those two than on wordpress, due to the busy work schedule. It is usually more appropriate to post something short there. Anyhow, I am sorry if it takes me longer to respond to some of the messages I get on wordpress. Feel free to directly message me in case something is serious and important. No BS, please! Thanks, appreciate. No dating etc. Lol.

Autism Talks

I truly believe that every good article written in any other language but English simply NEEDS TO be translated into English. But that is just my thing…. So, here we are – these are not my words any more, and you’d see the name of the author of these words signed beneath. Please, enjoy!

I can:

  • Be a good talking companion on nearly any given topic
  • Be an attentive listener (My talking companion will feel he is the only one in the Universe important for me at the moment; simply saying I have mastered the skill of mindful listening techniques)
  • To find common language with the kids
  • To find common language with animals
  • Train rats; To teach them simple things: understand words, listen. I’m not sure how I do this, I guess this is just intuition.
  • To think quickly in stressful situations and act accordingly rationally: run fast, save someone, fight, depending on the circumstances. (please don’t mix stress that people acquire due to extreme situations with chronic stress. Extreme stress releases a huge dose of adrenaline into your blood. This adrenaline stimulates me very well, and I act rationally and become capable of enduring a lot, so I act accordingly fast and correctly. Chronic stress, on the other hand releases cortisol, and this hormone affects me differently. I can’t stand it.
  • To fight back physically in the street. (I hope I still can do that, have not really practiced it for a while.)
  • To explain subjects, teach, tutor. I did it as an amateur: I taught elementary math to an adult who was not good at it. As well as science: general biology, anatomy… I was contemplating on becoming a tutor.
  • To write official complains on different bad people (and there are still a lot of those ones out there). As well as fight for my own civil rights by filing a lot of government paperwork.
  • To professionally steep tea for Chinese Tea Ceremony.
  • To prepare certain incenses all by myslef.
  • Meditate
  • Control my inner organs with various techniques. (I stopped practicing this, but I’m planning on returning back to it again).
  • To tolerate pain as well as strong pain using other techniques and will power, so that pain lessened and did not prevent me from enjoying my daily life.
  • To memorize long digital equations, patterns, any types of combinations, passwords, codes, phone numbers and so on.
  • Write my own ideas using pentagrams, I can write a long paragraph using this style.
  • To read tarot card ( But I have stopped doing this  now)
  • To retain by breath under water for at least two minutes.
  • To use nunchaku;
  • To take up to 15 pills at once;
  • To swim using crawl stroke for a long period of time,
  • To rollerblade
  • To write poems
  • To write prose
  • To memorize lengthy texts by heart (poetry as well as prose)
  • To change my opinion about people one or the other way.
  • But I think the most important thing for me is self-control. This helps me always and everywhere.

These are the things that first came to my mind. I decided not to talk about my professional qualities.

Veta  Volkova

Autism Talks – I don’t live in another world. I just see the world differently, that’s it

Have not done that in a while, but HAVE to do it now! I am translating this from Russian and reposting. This is my younger sister’s post about herself. Many of you know her and some of you are her friends on Facebook and in real life. Yet for all those who are not – especially for those who speak no Russian at all – I highly recommend to read this. I do not know if it is clear from her writing or not – she is autistic.
 
Hello to all. I see this world in a different way. I a not better than you are. I am not worse than you are. We are just different. And that’s o.k. Let’s try to make friends. Maybe it can work out? Let me tell you about myself. I like to ask two questions: where? and what is it doing? To all other questions I know answers myself. I never ask question what? I know the answer. I never ask why? My answer to this is – I guess it is meant to be that way. But these two questions: where? and what is it doing? – these are my constant questions. I live with them. Most of the times I know answers to these questions, too. But unless and until I do – my mind won’t rest. Until a see the whole picture clearly. Everything I know – I see. Everything I see – I know. I don’t like to be taught. I simply observe. I observe life around me very carefully and that is the way I learn. You think I am not attentive. You are wrong. You words can interest me. Or not. Sometimes I hear them as a bubbling brook or as a piece of music. My senses for me are much more important than words. They are highly developed in me and I trust them. If I am not listening to you it does not mean I am not attentive. I am very attentive to everything that is going on around me. You would be the first one to leave something in my room or forget, because you are so much in your thoughts. I would never do that. I am extremely attentive. I see and notice every detail. You are telling me that I do not look straight in the eyes. I use sight vision, you know? It’s much more developed in me, that’s it. I think I see from above and see the whole picture all at once. But this picture is full of little details. And if I do not see a specific detail, I will be looking for it, asking questions about it, trying to figure it out. I won’t be able to rest until I know. One more thing – I am good at memorizing numbers. The dates are very important to me. I don’t think I know a single man whose birthday I would forget. It would be a horror! I guess that is it for now. Let me know how YOUR brain works!

Stop that Self-Talk!

Did you notice that your mind is always busy? Does it sometimes drive you nuts? How often? Ever? Have you ever heard anyone tell you to just stop thinking too much. O.K. What was your answer? Don’t tell me, I know….

And yet, would you care to try? Or let us maybe start with “why on earth do I need to do it?” You start with acknowledging and admitting – yes, I do have a lot of self-talk in my head. But not just in general. (I often or I usually have a lot of self-talk). No, you have to “catch” it, so to say. Then you are like…. O.K. Who IS talking? And who is WATCHING the self-talk? Let me tell you. You are not your thoughts. But the observer, yes, the observer is you. The moment you got it, the moment you separated yourself from your thoughts – you GOT IT. And I mean YOU REALLY GOT IT, bro! Then there is no need to stop the thoughts, just keep watching them, that’s it. And in watching itself is a relief, and the watching will pacify them, and make your mind so clear that you’d be able to see beyond the thoughts, if you now what I mean. Give it a try. Enjoy!

In Search of True Love

Everything we are doing on this planet is in search of Love. But how many of us found this True Love? Many might claim they have… and they might claim they are happy… are they, really? Can they say that Love has made them more calm, more peaceful, more loving…less neurotic? And if no, than what is the problem? Let us just distinguish between the search of Love and the expression of Love. These are two major differences if you allow. For any relationship you first and foremost need to have something to share. And what is the most important thing you can share? Yes, yourself, your presence. Unless you learn to be present – every relationship will be dysfunctional. Unless you learn the skill of presence, your relationship will give you as much pleasure as it will give you pain. Many people struggle to balance between the two polarities – negative and positive. All  these polarities rise from the human mind. That is why couples that claim that they deeply love each other often fight. Unless you build your relationship on a totally different ground, your relationship will sooner or later collapse. I don’t claim to be an expert whatsoever, but my own children, who have relationships of their own often tell me that they wish their relationships lasted as long and were as strong as my marriage with my husband did. So what is the magic? Let us concentrate on romantic relationships for that purpose. Every polarity always lead to dysfunction. True Love, on the other hand has no polarity, it has no opposition, because it is not rooted in our minds. True Love is a very rare thing. In its perfect sense we can say that God is True and Pure Love. Yet humans are not incapable of Love. Every problem that you have in your relationship you will always blame on your partner and very seldom on yourself. It is easier to notice negativity in the Other rather than in “me.” What problems couple come across? Well, let’s just mention a few. Jealousy, for example is one of them. But there is also insensitivity and the need to be bossy and to be right all the time, the need to teach, impulsiveness, manipulations, and many more… Now, on the other hand there are many positive polarities as well. You can be deeply in love and you feel very happy. You only see each other and don’t see the world around. True Love is different from both of these examples. As a human being your Self consists of several layers. On a physical level, you can temporarily obtain unity of the two polarities, but it won’t last forever. On the mental of psychological level it is even harder and more rare. You can never obtain ultimate happiness on a mental level only. Your thoughts are not who you are. On this level you will always feel insecure no mater how great your thoughts are. You feelings and emotions as well as your thoughts come from the Ego Center of your brain, they are self-oriented and clinging. Clinging is just a form of addiction. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. No matter what you are addicted to, even your partner. It is not yet the True Love. Every addiction reaches the point when it does not work for you anymore. And then you feel the pain. The addiction does NOT  bring you the pain. It just uncovers that pain that is already there. Yet avoidance of relationships is not the answer either. The relationship does not bring you your pain. The pain is there already  anyway. So, what are we going to do? You have to bring an intense presence into your relationship as well as in any other parts of your life. You will never learn to be present for your partner if you cannot even be present for yourself. Search for the silence from your inner chatter and for the stillness in your busy world. Only when you get rid of your own pain you are ready to Love. Don’t try to fix the whole world. Don’t try to fix your partner. Fix yourself! If you feel any pain – who should be healed? If you understand this much – this is transforming in itself, this will open you the door to True Love.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? the pronoun you is used here in solely literary purpose to establish closer relationship with the reader and can be addressed to you as well as to me and anyone else, enjoy… feel free to add me on Facebook – Evelina Iablonskaya and my Instagram evaisco

Who do you think YOU are? What you refer to as “you” is just a bunch of thoughts, feelings, and emotions, that’s it! But that is not really “you.” You think that is “you.” You don’t even live or experience life to the full extend. You are just stuck in your psychological drama. It’s like you were watching the movie in the theater and fell asleep. That is what going on with your life for real. Now imagine – the movie is over and you suddenly woke up. But that is too late, the movie is already over. That is how most people die, unfortunately. They wake up only at the end of their lives… You thought your thoughts and emotions were your life… That’s the most unfortunate self-deception. What is going on in your mind, what is going on in my mind actually means nothing at the end. We can sit in one room together and have absolutely different dramas going on in our minds. Let me open you a secret – your or mine, for that purpose psychological reality is not existential reality. These are two different things, my dear friend. Your or mine psychology has no existential basis. You can make up whatever you want! Whatever you want… It’s just in your head, that’s it. If your psychological creation in your head becomes bigger than the real Creation, you need to set this anomaly right. It’s O.K to make your psychological reality. But you must be able to switch it off when you don’t want it. It cannot be on for 24 hours. It is not the reality. You are just making it up. It you understand what is real and what is made up – you have awaken to your true Self, my friend. Now you are ready to navigate your way through life!