Everything we are doing on this planet is in search of Love. But how many of us found this True Love? Many might claim they have… and they might claim they are happy… are they, really? Can they say that Love has made them more calm, more peaceful, more loving…less neurotic? And if no, than what is the problem? Let us just distinguish between the search of Love and the expression of Love. These are two major differences if you allow. For any relationship you first and foremost need to have something to share. And what is the most important thing you can share? Yes, yourself, your presence. Unless you learn to be present – every relationship will be dysfunctional. Unless you learn the skill of presence, your relationship will give you as much pleasure as it will give you pain. Many people struggle to balance between the two polarities – negative and positive. All these polarities rise from the human mind. That is why couples that claim that they deeply love each other often fight. Unless you build your relationship on a totally different ground, your relationship will sooner or later collapse. I don’t claim to be an expert whatsoever, but my own children, who have relationships of their own often tell me that they wish their relationships lasted as long and were as strong as my marriage with my husband did. So what is the magic? Let us concentrate on romantic relationships for that purpose. Every polarity always lead to dysfunction. True Love, on the other hand has no polarity, it has no opposition, because it is not rooted in our minds. True Love is a very rare thing. In its perfect sense we can say that God is True and Pure Love. Yet humans are not incapable of Love. Every problem that you have in your relationship you will always blame on your partner and very seldom on yourself. It is easier to notice negativity in the Other rather than in “me.” What problems couple come across? Well, let’s just mention a few. Jealousy, for example is one of them. But there is also insensitivity and the need to be bossy and to be right all the time, the need to teach, impulsiveness, manipulations, and many more… Now, on the other hand there are many positive polarities as well. You can be deeply in love and you feel very happy. You only see each other and don’t see the world around. True Love is different from both of these examples. As a human being your Self consists of several layers. On a physical level, you can temporarily obtain unity of the two polarities, but it won’t last forever. On the mental of psychological level it is even harder and more rare. You can never obtain ultimate happiness on a mental level only. Your thoughts are not who you are. On this level you will always feel insecure no mater how great your thoughts are. You feelings and emotions as well as your thoughts come from the Ego Center of your brain, they are self-oriented and clinging. Clinging is just a form of addiction. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. No matter what you are addicted to, even your partner. It is not yet the True Love. Every addiction reaches the point when it does not work for you anymore. And then you feel the pain. The addiction does NOT bring you the pain. It just uncovers that pain that is already there. Yet avoidance of relationships is not the answer either. The relationship does not bring you your pain. The pain is there already anyway. So, what are we going to do? You have to bring an intense presence into your relationship as well as in any other parts of your life. You will never learn to be present for your partner if you cannot even be present for yourself. Search for the silence from your inner chatter and for the stillness in your busy world. Only when you get rid of your own pain you are ready to Love. Don’t try to fix the whole world. Don’t try to fix your partner. Fix yourself! If you feel any pain – who should be healed? If you understand this much – this is transforming in itself, this will open you the door to True Love.
Published by mindfulbreathsite
When I turned 40 (and that happened 7 years ago) I realize that the health I had been always taking for granted needs to be taken care of or else... Now out of a sudden there was a bouquet of blood pressure and digestive problems; surgeries, stress, panic... I started reading about yoga, meditation, and mindfulness. These changed my life. I lost weight, became capable of managing my stress easier. With so many wonderful people around and all over the world helping each other to stay fit and healthy, I believe that it is my turn now to share my own story of success, and allow those who are in need to learn from it and start believing in themselves. Enjoy! View all posts by mindfulbreathsite